One year...

Its been one year since our sweet brother Cody left us. It has been an extremely hard year... too hard to put into words. Not a day went by this whole year that I didn't think of him and miss him. I keep saying to myself day after day that I just plain and simple wish he was here. Wish he was seeing us all grow up and experience new things as a family. Wish he was here to hug me. Wish he was here to make me laugh on those hard days. I think its finally hit me that he's not here and that he's not going to be here. That thought alone is SO hard. I wish I could have helped him some how, I wish I would have known how bad he was hurting and in pain. I wish I would have taken more time to share my feelings of the gospel with him. I wish I could have hugged him one last time and convinced him to change his mind. I know I will still always have those days where I'll wish he was here, but for now I am so glad he is where he is. I hope and pray everyday that he has found peace and is happy. There are so many things I wish I could change or things I wish I would have done before he left us but I can't, I can't go back and fix those things and make them better. I now more than ever want to be like my brother and to make him proud. I want to not have regrets and feel guilt. I want to live each day being happy and serving others, because thats what he would want me to do. I want to make a change in the way I live. A change for the better.
How grateful I am for family and friends that made this hard year just a little bit easier. I am thankful for all the prayers on behalf of our family, Heavenly Father is real and he does answer prayers. I know that families can be together forever, for eternity. I know we will see Cody again some day and this gives me the most comfort of all. This gives me the courage to be a little better and to try harder everyday to do my part. I hope and pray this year will be filled with more happiness and peace for my family. That we will all be able to use this hard trial we have been through to help others in need. I want to thank my parents for being the best parents any kids could ask for. They are so strong, and are such amazing examples to all of us. I love you mom and dad! I also want to thank my siblings for being the best siblings out there, and for being there for me always! I love each and every one of you! I know we will always have ups and downs but I hope this year will be filled with more ups. We love you Cody and miss you everyday! Every time I smile I am smiling for you. I want you to be happy and for all of us to be happy!
I love you CoCo!